Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Not the same ol' me ... Next post will be a HAPPY one !!

I have not been the same ol' me lately ... I am generally a happy person & I have a lot of fun. And I won't even say that I try to be positive and happy - because generally I just AM - no trying needed. (Okay ... during the Plumbing Crisis of February 2009, I did have to try some - it wasn't always immediately obvious where the humour was ...!!!) But then in March my grandmother fell, then she had a heart attack and had to be hospitalized. Then it was decided that she would need to move to a nursing home. I began to worry. But then, like a disease, the worry spread. I became weighed down by worry and totally preoccupied with it - I worried about Gramma, I worried about my aunt who was trying to look after all of it, I worried about my poor old cat, I worried about a friend who had troubles and another who had lost her mom, I worried about my family & my brother, I worried about Charlie & how hard he was working, I worried about my business... THE LIST NEVER ENDED !!! I really only felt about half here. I was a semi participant in my own life !! And , while it is easy to say "Don't worry" , it isn't always easy to do it. Then my Grandmother died.And it broke my heart. I told hardly anyone - I didn't really talk about it to anyone. And it just got sadder as the days went on. And then Boo. Wow ... quite a crappy spring when you come right down to it. So ... I figure it has to get better from here ...And I am ready to let all the worrying go ...( Did you hear me ? GO !! GET OUT !!) And maybe get back into my life full time ... I'm ready !
Just one little footnote .Here's a stupid story about me though ... I had a hedgehog named Prickle. He was adorable. He lived at the store for a while but then all the activity was too much for him, so I moved him home. People often asked about Prickle. Now, hedgehogs live about 5 years, and that is exactly what Prickle lived. But ... even now ... 8 years after his death, if people ask how Prickle is , I say "Fine." FINE ??!!! He would be a freakin' Guinness Book of Records hedgehog with a life span like that. I LIED !!! And on Saturday I told someone that Boo was out back. Technically true but , not really. I CANNOT say sad news from my mouth - I can type it but I CANNOT say it. So I lie ... how weird is that ??? A bit too much like Norman Bates and his mother propped up in the basement ... I guess I should work on that.
So ... now that I have poured my heart out & confessed that I am a liar ... I promise the next post will be a happy joyful post ... although I do lie ... hmmm.. NOT THIS TIME I SWEAR !!! I am ready to get on with better days !!
Find the joy in your day & tell a friend how special thay are ... it's all good !!


Anonymous said...

Pam , just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. So sorry to hear of the loss of your Gram and your cat.I have been blue since I've come back from Inspired ( And I really have no reason to be)and I am trying to just be with it for a while and hoping it will pass soon. Take care of yourself. Hoping spring will bring some magic and light, Ardith

Just Plain Happy said...

Hi Pam,

I sometimes use the line 'when life hands you lemons'...I am certain sweet lemonade is on its' way for you....and this won't be of the ordinary kind...it will be blinged up lemonade 'Pam style'.

Have a Happy Day

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